March 9, 2015

Today we celebrate:

National Panic Day – Today is a day to be afraid. Let all your fears loose and indulge in a little panic party. Come on, 'fess up, there has to be something you are afraid of.

National Crabmeat Day – This is a day to indulge in some crab meat. If you can't stand the thought of eating crab, try the imitation crab meat. I'm not a fan of crab at all myself, but I'm told it's difficult to tell the difference. If you're like me, try mixing it in with something else, or stuff something with a crabmeat mixture. That would probably be quite tasty.

Barbie Day – On this day in 1959, the first Barbie Doll went on display at the American Toy Fair in NYC. She doesn't look too bad for 56 years old. She is still ridiculously proportioned, but that's a whole other issue that we don't need to get into right now. And I don’t know if you have ever tried to dress a Barbie Doll, but let me tell you that no one, not a person or a doll, needs skin tight clothes like that.  I don’t know how many outfits I would rip while trying to stuff her into them.  She was created because of an idea that Ruth Handler, wife of one of the founders of Mattel, came up with while watching her daughter Barbara play with her dolls.

Get Over It Day – I don't know what it is you have a problem with, but today you need to just get over it! Don't be nursing any grudges because of something someone did to you and don't be wallowing in guilt because of something you did to yourself or someone else. Just get over it already.  Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better.

Joe Franklin Day – Born on this day in 1929, Joe Franklin started in radio when he was 17 years old. In 1950, he switched over to television and basically invented the talk show. The Joe Franklin Show was the longest running talk show when it ended in 1990, although that is no longer the case. Would anyone like to guess the name of the talk show that has run for longer than 40 years? Take a guess before you check your answer at this site.

Fill Our Staplers Day – This was created by the Dull Men's Club, who believe that it is very annoying to be confronted by an empty stapler just when you need to staple something. So twice a year, on the Monday after the time changes for Daylight Savings, fill your stapler and hope that it lasts until the next Fill Our Staplers Day.

False Teeth Day – On this day in 1822, Charles Graham received a patent for false teeth. False teeth had been used for hundreds of years before then, but these were much better than the primitive methods used previously. Graham’s teeth were made out of porcelain which were found to be much more durable than teeth made from ivory or gold or human teeth. I've even seen reference to false teeth made out of lead, but I'm not sure that is accurate.  I certainly hope not.

To celebrate today, fill your staplers while you watch an old episode of The Joe Franklin Show, if you can find one on the internet somewhere, while you make something with crab meat for lunch. Then, clean your false teeth before you get out your old Barbies, and use them to play act an event involving whatever you are most afraid of, then just get over it already.